She is in my trunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
