i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
