i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
