Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
