I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
