it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
