why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
