Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
