the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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