am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
