We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
