The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
