I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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