Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
