When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
