In the future we'll all be gay
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
