My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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