Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
