She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Let's get the cat blown out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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