It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
