So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
