it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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