once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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