Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
