The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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