Umm I'm too high to move.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
