I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
