That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
