It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
