took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
