Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
