Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
