i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Boobs are out for the taking
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
