Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
