My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she smelled like a LAN party
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
