i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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