dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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