it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
