Will you blow on my dice?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
