if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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