Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
