You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
