how do flat chested girls get laid?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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