i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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