So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
