i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
