It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
