They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
