Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There's even glitter on my cock...
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