I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
